


An Air About Him

by KawafujiTakao



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Fluff, Lmao ok angst too, M/M, Minor Spoilers, akira is a bro to ryuji, this got a lil dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 19:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10577835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawafujiTakao/pseuds/KawafujiTakao
Summary: I can't help but help Ryuji when he needs me.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I haven't gotten very far in p5 yet so I apologize if anything is wrong!
> 
> And side note I'll be using they/them for Morgana

"My dad would beat me and my mom sometimes..."

I think back to those words Ryuji told me this afternoon as I lay in my bed.

It's not fair, someone like him having such a scary, shaded past. He's a good kid, no matter what teachers or adults may say.

Just then I hear my phone vibrate over in my bag by the staircase. Morgana flinches in their sleep, but not to the point where they wake up. I stealthily make my way towards it as a means to not wake the feline. I suppose being a Phantom Thief does have its real-world benefits too.

Successfully acquiring my cell without bothering Morgana, I lay back on the futon. I tap the 'on' button and wait for the screen to be illuminated.

The red wallpaper burns my tired eyes momentarily. When they adjust, I see that I have a message from Ryuji. Well I suppose speak of the devil-or in this case THINK- and the devil shall arrive.

–––––––––––

Hey dude

U awake?

                                                                                         What is it?

 

Nothing I just...

I just wanted to talk to someone. You seemed like the best option.

                                                                                        Best option?

No! I uh didn't mean it like that!!! Honest!

                                                                                        It was a joke.

Oh, right. And I...i wanted to talk to you. No one else really gets me like you do. I know it sounds cheesy but,

You're just, idk, DIFFERENT from the others.

You...you were the first to show me that I belonged.

U still with me?

                                                                                            Of course.

Good ^^

I was sure you would laugh at me and stop texting me or something.

But I guess you're not like that, eh?

                                                                             You could say that.

Uhm

This might be a lot to ask but

Can we meet up tonight?

I mean, there's no school tomorrow...

Feel free to say no....

                                                              Where do you want to meet?

W-wait, WHAT?

Is that a yes?!

                                                                       What else would it be?

Oh, right. I'm an idiot. Ok uhh

How about on the stairs to the batting cage? They should be closed now...

And I'm sure no cops'll be snoopin' around for kids like us around there.

 

                                                                            Sure. See you soon.

 

Oh and, plz don't bring the cat...

–––––––––––  
Luckily for me, Sojiro has usually left by now. I grab a light jacket and start downstairs, quietly so Morgana doesn't ask where I'm headed at this hour.

The walk is a much shorter distance from LeBlanc than Ryuji's residence is, so I don't know how he beat me there. But he is sitting on the second step, kicking stones with his dirtied shoe once I arrive.

I can't help but wonder if he was here even before he messaged me.

He doesn't notice me yet, so this allows me to watch him a little bit more. His mouth is twisted into a frown and his brow is furrowed tightly together.

Without saying anything, I make my way over and sit besides him. He jumps, startled, but when he realizes it's only me, his hand reaches for the back of his neck and he gives me a forced smile.

"You okay?" I ask, because clearly something is bothering him.

He goes red immediately.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He lets out a fake laugh.

I say nothing, and he draws back, intimidated by silence.

"W-well...no...I've just been thinking a lot lately." He hangs his head. "About...myself. How bad I am. How I always blame my father for the way I am. How I should know better than to lash out on everyone."

"You aren't bad, Ryuji."

"Don't lie to m-"

"How are you bad?"

"Eh? Well I...I attack people if I get upset and...I'm stupid and a failure..."

"That's not true." I take my glasses off in order to rub my tired eyes. It's okay though, because Ryuji is in more need of help than I am in need of sleep. "Why is it wrong of you to retaliate?"

"W-well...because then I'm no better than those who h-hurt me." I can hear a hitch in his throat. If I'm not careful with my words, Ryuji may start crying. I don't want that to happen, he'll just end up feeling worse about himself.

"Did those who hurt you have a reason to target you?"

"N-no, but-"

"Have you ever targeted someone who has never hurt you?"

"No not that I can...remember."

"Then how are you bad? It sounds a little like taking hearts, honestly. And you're okay with that now."

He looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

"You fight for what is right, even if the fighting itself isn't 'right.' But if you don't fight, you'll never get what you deserve."

I watch as he twiddles his fingers. I never understood how people came to fear him so much. He has only ever been genuine to me. He is nothing but a sweetheart.

"I...guess you're right..."

"Aren't I always?" I try and lighten up the mood a little. I don't want him going home depressed.

He turns back my way, and for the first time tonight I see a real smile on his face. "You're too charming."

For some reason I feel a strange airiness in my chest.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah...a lot actually."

"Good."

I start to stand up, but Ryuji grabs the corner of my coat.

"I don't want to go back home just yet."

"Why?"

"I want to be with you more."

The airiness returns, and this time, it stays longer.

I have to make a decision...I risk staying out with Ryuji and someone finding us. I'm the talk of Tokyo, so if anyone at all were to see us, Sojiro would most likely be informed immediately. Or, I send him home, with that empty sad look in his eyes that I only ever see leave when I crack a joke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for my lack of Siphon knowledge in this chapter zomg

"Would you want to...come back to my place? It's much closer, and you won't have to be alone."

Or, I could be a fool and make up a third option, in which the outcome would probably end up worse than the previous two.

But seriously, I don't know what prompted me to say it. I don't even recall thinking about it at all.

But I know I can't take it back now, thanks to that relieved look on Ryuji's face.

"I'm glad..." He tells me in response. "But don't you have anyone looking out for you this late at night? Would they be okay with that?"

My mind jumps to Sojiro. Of course he wouldn't be around, but that won't last long. Tomorrow morning he'll be back and shouting at how I need to 'do more with my youth.' 

"Nah, Morgana's the only one there right now."

Luckily, he doesn't question me on the 'right now' part.

"All right! Show me the way!" He exclaims, a little too noisily for such a small string of streets and such a late hour.

I step ahead, and he skips to catch up with me. He nearly trips, thanks to his carelessness and how he treats that leg. But I break his fall without planning to when I turn around to see if he was following me.

One of his arms is propped up on my shoulder, and a slight grimace paints his face. 

"Sorry man I just-"

Without a word, I drape his arm over my back, helping him walk to the cafe. 

"I...I just...have this weird thing..." He starts telling me as I direct him down the streets of Yongen-Jaya. "My leg usually hurts more the more I think about it...and well...It hasn't been easy to not think about it lately. I wonder if it's just a thing in my head making me believe that it hurts...or if it's something more unexplainable like how people with Arthritis claim to feel more pain before a storm..."

I don't want to get him started, but both of those things can be explained by science. Maybe one is physical while the other is mental, but there's no supernatural components like our Personas or anything.

Geez, have I been studying a little too much? 

But regardless, if that's the case for Ryuji, I'll try taking his mind off of it.

"Look, we're almost there." I point to the cafe with the hand that's not supporting Ryuji.

He's got a confused look on his face, and if I could read his mind I'm sure it would say 'He lives in a restaurant?'

"You uh..."

"Yes."

"But it's not a home."

"Never bothered me."

Making sure he can now keep himself up, I dig in my pocket for my keys. I unlock the door and enter, Ryuji following suit. 

"Woah, is that a coffee making-thingy?" 

"Sure is." I tell him in a hushed tone. He really needs to keep his voice down, maybe he will learn from my doing so.

"Could you make me some?"

I glare at him. "You do realize how late it is, right?"

He blinks, taking out his phone to check the time. "Uhm, so? No mo' rules, am I right? I can have coffee if I want when I want."

"Not if I don't make it."

He frowns angrily. "Then I'll do it myse-"

"You can't!" 

"Huh? Why not?!"

I can't just say 'You are wreckless and are bound to break something.' I mean, I don't feel like getting kicked out because I have no were else to stay anymore. If Sojiro found out his precious siphon was broken, I'm sure I'd see the ending of days. 

Also, telling Ryuji that he is basically clumsy may hurt his feelings. 

"Because you deserve the best, most aromatic cup. Which only I know how to formulate."

His eyes roll into the back of his head, but I can tell he's not genuinely irritated or that smirk wouldn't be smacked on his face as well. 

"Try me. Make me a perfect cup." He taunts. I know he meant nothing about it, but I am almost in a way intrigued by the way he says it. It's mysterious...almost unfitting for Ryuji. It makes me feel intimidated.

I feel sweat fall down my temple as I realize I now have to make coffee good enough for his standards. I mean, Sojiro taught me a little bit but, I'm no barista. 

I glare at the glass bulbs, realizing I forget everything entirely of what I was taught. I must be really bad at memorizing things. No wonder I am always at the bottom of my class. One step under Ann, that is. 

Ok so...there's a paddy-shaped filter thing? Do I put it inside? Sure...

"You need any help over there?" Ryuji asks smugly, head resting on his palm. I disregard him and proceed with this...coffee.

Ok boil the water...soak the coffee grounds...

"Ya know...coffee kinda looks like shit when it's crushed up like that. Especially when it's wet."

This is the guy I have become friends with. This is the guy that I related to the most in this entire city. Unbelievable.

"Don't know what kind of restroom breaks you're taking."

A light-hearted chuckle exits his breath. The kind that is innocent enough to convince you that if you only heard his voice, you'd think he was a little kid.

"You asking to see?" He suggests as I hand him his newly brewed cup of 'coffee.' "Well. You know what they say. Coffee makes you have to-"

"Just drink it and tell me if it is good or not."

He playfully punches me in the shoulder. "Loosen up, will ya?" But his playful tone quickly goes to that of sorrow. "I didn't want to be too serious tonight...I wanted to get my mind offa stuff."

I observe him bring the chipped mug to his lips. I can see his Adam's apple bob up and down slightly. As he takes the cup away from him, he licks the corner of his mouth. A low sigh can be heard.

"Disgusting."

"I'm not surprised."

His eyes open wide as if my response was news. "I was only kidding! I mean it's only average but it certainly isn't gross!" 

His gentleness warms my heart and makes me smile.

"Besides." He continues. "How much caffeine is in this particular brew?"

Unsure, I stand up and pick up the pack of beans that I used. I check the label, and apparently it has a very high amount.

Uh oh. Ryuji will be up all night, especially because he is already so hyper. And how am I going to get him out of here when the caffeine crash hits? It'll be morning by then and Sojiro will already be here... Ryuji'll be so knocked out, unable to sneak his way around this.

But I can't kick him out now. I've established that already. Especially after he looked so sad at the thought of conversation getting serious.

I go to have a seat, one stool away from Ryuji as to keep personal space in mind.

"Not much." I try to tell him. If that's the case, maybe he won't think he will be fueled so he might go to bed earlier. I mean, is there really any proof that caffeine keeps you awake?

"That's good." He says as he scoots one seat over, sitting next to me anyways. "I really wanted to get a good night's sleep tonight."

So now not only is guilt from lying to him about the caffeine content consuming me, but that feeling has come back. It's almost like the gravitational force of his body makes my chest feel like it is floating, if that makes any sense. 

He rests his head on the bar, eyes looking up at me, a small, warm smile on his face. "Not to be weird, but I'm so glad we met."

And I feel even more funny.

"But I guess saying that is pretty weird anyways, yeah? Oh well. I'm used to bein' the weird one in school." He stretches his arms above his head, yawning. "Can I go to bed now?"

"Sure..." I manage to utter.

I take him upstairs, telling him to keep quite as to not wake Morgana. He listens to my request, but ends up having a really difficult time falling asleep. Clearly, caffeine must actually affect sleep and mind much more than I thought. I can hear rustling over on the couch every 2 minutes. I wish he would just stay still. 

"Goodnight." 

I tell him, certain that neither of us are really going to get any sleep anyways.

"G'night!" He says cheerfully, and if that is the last thing I remember before I drift off I'd be okay with it. They do say dreams are all the day's thoughts compressed into your mind. Hopefully, he will be in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thank you so much for the kudos and comments!!! I love to see peple liking my stuff like woah


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter is a little mushy and I almost threw up writing it but I can't help it I need gushy lovey pointlessness.

A ominously familiar, harmonious chorus echoes through my head.

"Welcome...to the Velvet Room"

This again. I still don't quite understand why or how I got here, but I do know that this time feels...different.

For instance, this is the first time in a while that I visited this place via dreams.

I also am not shackled, I think to myself.

Until I look down at my feet, and sure enough, my ankles are still chained up.

But why don't I feel it this time? Have I really become so caught up in unimportant matters that I feel like I'm floating? Why does everything feel so soft and weightless?

"Our master would like to have a word with you!" Snaps one of the twins. I still am unable to tell them apart by name.

"You'd better not discard the invitation!" The opposing one shouts.

The man who calls himself Igor looks at me with that never-ending grin of his. "It would seem that your bonds are starting to get deeper, maybe even on a more personal level."

"..." Silence is all I can respond with.

"I must warn you though. Have you not be careful, you're relationships may cause more ruin than it will good."

His hands calmly folded in front of his face, sit down on the desk before him.

"That is all I need from you today. And remember, the things I tell you are important for your rehabilitation to be a success."

___________

I awaken to the sound of Ryuji's loud, obnoxious, snoring. Sitting up, I reach for the chair at the foot of my bed where I set my phone last night. I turn it on, and it tells me that it is currently 3:43 AM.

I end up just watching Ryuji's unsteady rise and fall of his chest as I contemplate all that has happened.

First of all, in only a few hours Sojiro will be here. I still haven't strategized a plan, but I don't really feel like thinking about that right now. Besides, Morgana will probably figure something out. I just need to make sure to wake them up, because I know they'll beg me for a catnap because it's Sunday.

I wish I hadn't woken up this early. I'm pretty tired and don't know what to do. Between Ryuji at the cafe, the return of the involuntary Velvet Room visits, and the overall mental state that I am currently in, I am having a tough time thinking things through.

With my last dream slowly fading from my memory, I get up and head over to my desk. I may as well get some work done, if I can't get back to sleep that is.

But I realize I can't focus on any of my studies, and that Ryuji's snoring is much more of a distraction that the gossip in the school library ever will be. I can't tell why though, because rumors and the like should be more fun to listen too. They are also exceptionally louder.

So why can't I stop looking over to the left? What's so captivating about looking at Ryuji's hair facing my way due to his sleeping position? Since he is asleep with his feet toward Morgana and his heed resting on the sofa's arm by my desk, I can only get a good look of his hair instead of his face.

And I must say his hair looks incredibly soft and fluffy. I have an urge to run my fingers through it. I've never even had a desire to pet Morgana's fur, and Morgana is a cat.

But Ryuji's hair has that fluffy dryness to it. Like, the kind when people dye their hair a little too often and it is damaged beyond repair, but still is healthy enough to not fall out.

Not to mention the product he probably uses to get the front to stick up, too.

I can't help but begin to imagine Ryuji, bleaching his hair, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. Maybe he'd accidentally pick up the wrong color dye at the drugstore, realizing it only after his head is full-on crimson. He'd curse himself, but end up heading back for a blond color.

Or him taking time out of his morning to make himself look presentable in his standards. Maybe he'd hum as he applies hair gel? Or maybe I've been wrong this whole time and the only reason Ryuji's hair is so spiky is because of a bad case of bed-head.

With my current lack of self-control, I end up patting him on the head. I wish I hadn't though, because he breathes deeper as his eyes begin to open.

"Huh..." He jumps and props his body up with his palms swiftly. "Wha-what was that?" He mutters in a sluggish voice.

I come up with a lie out of nowhere. "There was a spider on your head and I was tryi-"

"WHAT?!" He sits up immediately, which one may have thought to be near impossible due to how drowsy he was moments ago. His hands fly to his head and he ruffles his hair around carelessly. "Get it OUUUTTT!!!"

"It's still there." I lie, keeping myself composed.

He shrieks and shoves his head in my face. "PLEASE GET IT OUT!"

I can't help but smile a little. To ease his fear, I pretend to pick something out of his hair. It may have just been an excuse to feel how soft his hair is, though...

And sure enough, it is VERY soft.

He looks up at me with those warm eyes of his. "Did...did ya get it?"

I nod.

"Thank God..."

"You scared of spiders?"

"Huh? Uh, no! Pfft, of course not!" He looks at me with intense guilt. I know that he knows I can see right through his poor laugh. "Fine. Yeah. I'm scared of their creepy little legs okay? I'm sure it's nothing for you..." He hangs his head in shame.

"No. I'm scared of them, too." I tell him to cheer him up, even if it is not the truth.

"R-really? Ah, ahaha! Great! Now I don't feel like a loser anymore! If someone as cool as you is afraid then I can be cool too!"

I feel sweat drip down my forehead.

"Wait..." He continues. "If you're afraid...how'd you so easily get the one out of my hair?"

Crap, I didn't think he would be alert enough to actually think about it.

"Sometimes...your fears must be faced."

His face softens and his eyes glow. "You-you're right!" His fists clench in excitement. "I'm gonna show all those spiders who's boss! And after that, I'll show all those stupid adults too! I'll beat their asses down!"

I really need to stop encouraging his excitement...he's bound to get himself into trouble.

But he's just so cute and admirable that I can't help myself.

"Hey..." Morgana speaks up from across the room. "I don't know why that numbskull came here or when, but can you keep it down? I need my beauty rest."

"I'm not a numbskull!" Ryuji shouts even louder after Morgana strictly told him not to.

"You are a skull, though." I offer.

"Shit...you're right."

"Just-keep quiet, OK? You can tell me in the morning what's happening if it's not urgent. I'm tired."

"But I'm not tired anymore!" Ryuji, overly excited for 4:00 AM, does most certainly not 'keep quiet.'

"Then text or something! Just, just shut up!"

"Okay." Ryuji whispers, and that is the last word out of any of us until the sun rises.

______________  
Hey.

 

Hey.

 

Hey.

 

Are you getting my texts?

 

                                                                                                                                                   No, I forgot my phone downstairs.

 

Gah! Want me to go grab it quick? It'd suck if we couldn't talk.

                                                                                                                                                           Never mind, just found it actually.

 

Oh, sweet! Now we can send secret messages without the cat finding out! Okay, you go first. Tell me a secret.

 

                                                                                                                                            I forgot to brush my teeth because you came here.

 

Ew, something less gross plz? Like...oh! 'Morgana is annoying sometimes.'

Ok

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Ryuji is cute.  
______________

Previously with his head under a blanket, he has now resurfaced, and is glaring at me. His eyebrows are knotted together angrily and a forced frown sits on his mouth.

There is also a blush growing its way on his cheekbones.

I watch as he blinks back to his phone, furiously typing as he sits with his legs folded in front of him.

______________

I said secrets. Not lies.

 

                                                                                                                                        Okay then...you ready for a real secret?

 

You bet I am!

 

                                                                                                                                                          My first secret wasn't a lie.

 

______________

He covers his head back up with the blanket as his face gets shade after shade darker. No more texts are sent between us for the rest of the early morning. I don't think he believes me, but he still got pretty embarrassed.

I can't even believe it myself. I mean sure, he's cute. Everyone is cute in their own way. But why did I feel the need to tell him that? I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to tell him that through my voice currently, I myself would be too embarrassed.

Why do I feel nervous about the idea of telling him he's cute from word of mouth, but can tell any of the others they are cute with no trouble?

I don't know, but that weightless, floaty feeling is becoming worse. It begins crawling from my stomach to up my throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those who continue to read/comment/kudos I'm reeaally enjoying writing this and I'm glad others enjoy reading it too!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is all over the place like so am I but oops it is something at least

"What in the hell?"

I hear shouting from downstairs.

"Who's shoes are these?!"

Glancing at Ryuji, I can see he too has been rudely awakened by the sound of Sojiro's yelling. His eyes poke out from under the blanket in pure terror.

Before Morgana or either of us have time to act, there is already stomping heard from the stairs.

Sojiro stands at the attic's opening.

"And who might you be?" Sojiro asks in an irritated tone.

"M-m-me?!" Ryuji points to himself. "I'm...I'm Ryuji...Ryuji Sakamoto."

"And what the hell are you doing here? Do you know anything about this?"

He turns to me, asking.

I shake my head no.

"WHAT? YEAH YOU DO! DON'T TELL HIM THAT!" Ryuji barks in my ear, all the while Morgana is simply flopping their tail back and forth in amusement.

"So you do know who this is?" 

I clear my throat. "He's my friend. He spent the night last night because it was too late and I didn't want him getting a criminal record like me."

Sojiro, upset by something I said, lowers his voice. "Keep quiet! Are you just TELLING people straight out?! How is he even your friend? Is he a criminal too?"

Ryuji cocks his head. "Huh? So? I already know he's a good guy at heart. And no, I'm not. Nice to meet you, too, by the way."

Sojiro is taken aback. "Oh, sorry where are my manners? Nice to meet you as well." He looks at the floor as a means of avoiding eye contact. "At least you're being social..with friends. Instead of getting in trouble that is, or messing around on the internet. But if the two of you do anything stupid, I never want to see this Ryuji guy again, got it?!"

He turns around, ready to go back downstairs. "But tell me next time you want someone over. And I don't give free anything out to just anyone. You want something, you gotta pay up. Also don't talk to my customers."

By the time he is completely gone, the room sits in utter silence. Uncomfortable, at that. 

Morgana is the first to speak up. "The Chief's really an idiot, ain't he? I mean, you already gave him free coffee! And he talks like nobody knows about your...illegal activities."

Ryuji doesn't speak a word. It's unlike him to keep quiet. Normally he would have to find some sort of conversation topic he usually never shuts up about, always being much too loud in places he shouldn't be loud in at all.

At first I think it's because he's afraid of Sojiro, but when I actually think about it, it is almost certainly about that little texting thing earlier.

I had forgotten that had happened, with Sojiro coming up here and all.

"Well..." Morgona jumps off of the table they had occupied. "I want to go for a walk. Have some time to yourselves. See ya!"

I swear there is no way Morgana knew about our texts last night. Could they have looked at my phone while I was asleep? Catch the strange air between us and our gestures? Or maybe just genuinely wanted to go for a walk?

 

Regardless, I am stuck with Ryuji in this very upsetting moment.

"Didn't Morgana want to know why you're here..." I ask softly.

"I dunno. Maybe they figured out after you told that guy that looks after you." Mumbles Ryuji. 

He doesn't make eye contact with me, let alone even look my way. He almost seems angry, but I know that isn't the case. Ryuji's anger is much more uncontrollable. More like a volcanic outbursts, if you will.

For him, what appears to be average anger for most people is actually just fear or discomfort. If he isn't yelling, he's probably not mad.

"You feeling alright?" I ask him, knowing perfectly well that I myself am the reason he is behaving this way.

"Yeah-I'm uhm..." His face looks really pale. I begin to wonder if he is actually, truly okay. I can see sweat form on his forehead. It's pretty cool up here too, so maybe he has a fever?

"Ryuji?"

"Yeah?" He swallows, not long before his eyes close as he faints.

I consider what I should do...Should I go downstairs and tell Sojiro? No, he'd probably scold us for fooling around or something. Do I text Takemi about what happened? No, she'd just end up using him as a lab rat as well as me...then we'd both be passed out. 

I guess I'm on my own?

I walk over do the shabby old sofa Ryuji has collapsed on, and bring my hand to his forehead. Sure enough he is very warm. What can I do?

I guess I've no choice but to consult Sojiro.

I head downstairs. 

"Hey. Where's your friend?"

"He's upstairs." I hesitate, but figure This is my only option. "Can I borrow a rag?"

"A rag? Whaddya need a rag for?"

My mind goes blank until I think up a good lie. "I wanted to clean my floor."

He looks at me in shocking disbelief. "Clean your floors? Well if that's what you want I won't stop you." He points over to the cabinets. "There are probably some in there."

"Thanks."

I grab one and wet it over the sink, wringing it out so that it doesn't sop everywhere. Folding it into a neat rectangle, I run back upstairs.

Ryuji is just as I left him. 

I quick place the cold towel on his head, hoping to cool him down. Yet when I think about it, he is wearing a shirt with pretty thick material. In shows people always take off people's shirts to cool them off if they collapse...

Cursing under my breath, I decide to just take it off, promising to put a thin sheet over him so he isn't bare, but also isn't too warm.

Building up my courage, I bring it over his head. The lower-back of the cloth is drenched in sweat. I guess I made the right decision. This should cool him down quicker.

Or so I tell myself. Because honestly it doesn't take long for me to realize my eyes have slowly made their way to his chest. I can't help but admire him...so thin and lanky yet he definitely has nicely defined muscles. Most likely thankful to his previous trainings with the track team. I know I'm only looking because I'm jealous. I know I'm only looking because I wish my body was as half as toned as his...right?

It's no use.

I know I'm ACTUALLY only looking because I find myself attracted to him.

But whatever, I'll deal with those feelings later.

To stop myself from eyeing him, I quick grab a sheet and lay it over him.

I need to keep myself preoccupied while I wait for him to come to. I grab my bad and shuffle through it.

Something to read? Anything at all? Looks like only magazines about popular date spots and tips on being a good romantic partner. If I read any of those I'll just end up thinking about him in the wrong way again.

I don't know what to do. I pinch my nose in frustration. This delinquent is ruining my 'normal school life.'

Until he wakes up, I decide to just watch some tv. That way, I can watch over him while not watching him too intently.

The programs on Sunday are typically lackluster. I can't find anything to watch other than the shopping channel. 

I end up buying flowers that'll supposedly heal wounds. I wonder how they'll stay alive during the shipment.

By the time I watch item after item being called in to order, Ryuji moans a little, using his hands to bring himself into a sitting position.

"You must be thirsty." I tell him, half for his own health and half for my own ego so I can get up and avoid him a little longer.

I rush down to the cafe.

"What're you doing?"

"Can I have a glass of ice water?"

"Help yourself." Sojiro tells me as he proceeds to wash dishes.

I find a thin, chipped glass and search the freezer for suitable ice. Most of it has chunks of other food frozen into it, but I manage to get some that is clean. I'm sure Ryuji wouldn't really mind, but I want to look out of him. I fill it up with water from the tap and head upstairs, taking a deep breath before reaching the entrance.

In front of me sits Ryuji, his arms sloppily covering his chest as if he were a developing middle school girl. 

"Dude, WHERE'S MY SHIRT?!"

"It's-uh. Dirty. You soaked it in sweat."

"Did you do anything weird to me?!"

"Of course not."

He sighs in relief, taking his arms away from his body. The sheet falls to his lap.

"What...what happened?"

"You passed out." I tell him as I give him the glass. The condensation keeps my hand cool even after I don't hold it in my grasp anymore. 

"Why'd I-" he stops as he begins to remember. I see his face get red again like last night. "I-I uh..." So he doesn't have to say anything, he drinks the water down in one swallow. The hydration flushes his previously red cheeks.

"Are you upset?" I ask him.

"Kinda." He tells me, truthfully. "I-I just don't like people lying to me." I watch as he stares into the empty cup."

"What do you mean?"

"I...I...no one has ever told me anything about bein c-cute or nothing. I don't need you telling it to me with it being a lie."

"Alright then. I won't. You're cute."

"I said stop!"

"Why? If I'm not lying then-"

"Because no one likes a loser like me!"

"Alright." I tell him. "Believe what you will but..are you at least feeling better?"

"...yeah."

"You want something to put on?" I gesture to his torso.

"O-oh! Yeah...please?" His hand scratches the back of his hand. I cannot believe that he doesn't realize he's cute.

"Your shirt is dirty." I head over to the storage boxes by the staircase. "You can wear one of mine for the time being." I rummage through the boxes and find a wrinkled top of my summer uniform. I ball it up and throw it in Ryuji's direction.

He misses out on catching it completely, and it hits him in the face.

He grabs it by the shoulders, holding it in front of him. His eyes look my way as if to get permission to put it on. I nod, and he pulls it over his head.

It's a little small, as he is not only taller than me, but more muscular too. I fear for a moment that the arm holes may cut of his circulation to his biceps. But all in all, white really suites him. If only he actually wore his uniform properly, he may be able to always pass as a good student.

"I look weird."

I decide to break the space between us and sit besides him. I can feel the warmth of his body heat.

"So, Ryuji. You get embarrassed easily? Because before today I'm sure I've never seen you blush."

I predict his reaction precisely, and he blushes and hides his face with his hands. "That's not it, you jerk! I just never had anything to be embarrassed about!" His words are slightly muffled.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I realize I am advancing on him much too fast. Especially since I only noticed that I like him in that way in the past 24 hours...

No matter the reason, I lean in closely and-

"Hey guys I'm-"

"Hey!" Shouts Ryuji. It's so insincere and discomforting that it sounds like Ann's acting skills. 

"Back..." Morgana begins stepping back down the stairs, backwards. "But I uh, think I left something...at the uhh...street with the...signs."

I'm disappointed, but also a tad thankful that they came back at such a time. I need to control my desires, even if my persona-wielding heart can't get distorted. 

But I look back at Ryuji and I fear he might faint again.

"Let's go down to the laundromat." I say, changing the subject. "We can wash your shirt."

"Oh-uh-yeah."

I head for downstairs, Ryuji following closely behind. Maybe a little too close, because he ends up tripping, and we both fall to the landing.

It's hard for me to feel bad about his leg when it is constantly making the already thick air around us, thicker.

"Don't screw around here." Sojiro says from the counter, motioning his head towards an elderly couple at a booth. "Go do something outside."

"YES." Ryuji says uncomfortably loud. "We were just going!"

Sojiro rolls his eyes as we step outside the door.

Heading down the filthy streets, I decide keeping quiet around Ryuji will just make things between us even more awkward. I really wish I hadn't reacted the way I did last night...

"How are you? Your leg still hurt? You said it hurts worse when you think about it, and you've been falling a lot lately, so?"

"It's...fine. I've been thinking about other stuff instead."

I don't dare ask what his newly found thoughts are. I have a pretty good idea already. 

The mid-morning commotion of the busy streets nearly washes away any thoughts I may have. It's strange, feeling so empty and off in such a humane environment. 

"You stink."

"Wh-what? Hey! I do not!" I watch as he visually and obviously lifts up his arm to smell under it. "Oh-ooookay. Maybe just a little..."

I let out a snicker and Ryuji does the same. Despite everything he makes the whitest sound the most vivid and loud.

"I'm sure the ladies'll love it." I tell him, trying to convince him that I actually don't like him in...THAT way. Which, I know is futile. Ryuji isn't as stupid as people make him out to be.

"Oh..." He says in a tone of voice that nearly sounds disappointed. "Look." He stops dead in his tracks, turning to me. Uncertainty fills his eyes. "What, what uh, am I to you?"

The question catches me off guard, but so do the gun shots that can be heard echoing down the backalley.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next couple chapters, including this one, are pretty short.
> 
> And I'm sorry this got dark real fast oops I didn't think it would turn in this direction either but

"What was that?" Ryuji asks, his voice hushed for once. He looks over to me, fear and anger shadowing his eyes. "We should check it out."

"That's a bad idea. We don't have any information, and this isn't the meta-verse. We can't use our Personas here."

"Dammit! I don't care! Someone might be hurt! What's the point of being phantom thieves if we can't even get back at people in the real world!" Without another word, he sprints ahead to where the sound came from. I've no choice but to follow in order to ensure his safety.

At the end of the alleyway stands a small group of three or four of what appears to be gang members. A few hold guns in their hands, one of which is pointed towards a defenseless Ryuji. 

"This isn't any of your business." The one threatening Ryuji speaks as he tilts his head to the side, in reference to what looks like a person lying stoic on the cold concrete. 

Could that be the result of the gunshot we heard earlier? I can't see any pools of blood or wounds, but then again I'm a good distance away.

But that could end up Ryuji if I don't do something.

"That's bullshit! You think you can go around hurting people for no reason?! There's no excuse to shoot someone like that!"

Ryuji has always acted before he thought, and typically that is no big deal. But typically he isn't on such a verge of life or death. I wonder if he realizes we are currently in the real world.

The comment angers the wielder, as he brings his free hand to the metal and cocks a bullet in place.

I can see panic in Ryuji's stature immediately. What was he thinking? Did he think the gun was a simple model Iwai would hand out? God he really can be reckless. 

I can't move, can't bring myself to call a number on my phone or fight back. I can only stand there as if I had been frozen.

He's going to die. Ryuji is going to die right before me and I can't do anything.

If I could, I would. I would get a lifetime of probation for him, or endless overnight stays at a prison. I'd take any false blame placed on me by anyone. I'd rather die myself than watch him get killed over nothing.

I glance back at the body on the ground, and I'm sure I see red begin to ooze from were a head is supposed to be.

I envision that being Ryuji. His coarse yellow hair, painted red. A hole through his temple and out the other. His internal organs sprayed on the pavement and brick walls.

And he didn't even believe me when I said I liked him. He's going to die thinking he's all alone.

Haunted by my own thoughts,  
finally, I hear the click of a trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always that you for the feedback!!!! It is sooo nice like??? Omg


	6. Chapter 6

An object flies past my vision.

It's not just a bullet, but also something...hairy? It strikes into the man with a gun, knocking him to the side. A bullet still soars through the air, though it's now headed elsewhere. 

At the same time two sounds tear throughout my eardrums. The sound of skin being torn apart down to the muscle, and the scream of a teenage boy in agony. 

The offender, now ripped to shreds, stands up with whatever strength he has left. "The fuck is wrong with this cat?!" He exclaims, as he kicks off the animal that has been digging its claws into the side of his calves. He runs away, leaving a trail of his own blood in the wake. His followers follow suit.

He's gone. Now I can focus on the matter at hand. A slumped over figure ahead of me, whining endlessly.

I run to him, prying his arms off of his leg to reveal a deep-set bullet in the side of Ryuji's right thigh.

"Call the police! An ambulance! Anything!" Morgana shouts as they rush to my side. "We can't let that scum get away with this!"

Shaking, I pull out my phone. 

I make the call. It is abrupt and short-lasting. I tell the police all they need to know and nothing more. It can all be explained later. I don't want to focus on anything other than the clotting blood dripping down Ryuji's leg. And oh my God is it a lot of blood. 

Without thinking I tear my over coat off, ripping the sleeves to shreds in order to be able to wrap it around the wound. I've no clue if that's what I'm supposed to do. Hell, I may even be making it worse. Should I have gotten the bullet out? Or would that just encourage more bleeding?

The sour smell of metal hits me and that on top of what I'm dealing with nearly makes me vomit. I just keep wrapping and tying, wrapping and tying, praying to anyone that that'll be enough until the ambulance gets here. Why was I so rushed to hang up? Don't they usually provide information on what to do in this situation before they arrive? I realize I am shaking.

"I'm-I'm dying!" Ryuji utters while tears stream down his face. Oddly enough he is also smiling as much as his muscles allow. "I'm gon-na d-d-ie! I, I don't wan...want to die!" He chuckles. He continues to weep and scream in a whisper. What the hell is with him? Is this some sort of hysteria he's thought himself into? The more energy he uses to speak the worse he'll injure his leg!

"Shut up, would you!" I too, begin to feel tears down my cheek. "You're not going to die!" I can't help myself, so I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into me. "You're just dreaming, all right?! You'll wake up."

"Huh. I-I guess you're right. You wouldn't be holding me like this if this were real..." I feel his chest stop moving and I fear he has left me, but he inhales again. "You'd let me die because I'm nothing but dead weight to the team. I love you. See you soon, in the real world."

Just then I hear sirens and a thick-boned man pushes me to the side. Ryuji is put on a stretcher. 

I try and force my way into the back of the ambulance, but they won't let me, some bullshit about me not being his 'family.' I want to retaliate, explain how I've been a much better male role model in his life than the full-aged ones he knew in the past. But I can't. I can't stop them from making Ryuji healthy again.

I watch as the vehicle drives away, and I fall to my knees. 

Call the police. Explain the people here before, the other body. The blood trail that could lead back to him. But I can't move.

Morgana shouts at me, fully aware that I should be doing something about the situation. 

"Give me your phone! I don't have thumbs in this form! We need to tell the police! Or Lady Ann!"

Without a word, I text a quick summary to Ann about what just happened. Then I go to report the incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ryuji voice* get WRECKED


	7. Chapter 7

Several months have passed.

Since then, the police have dealt with the offender, the casualty, and cleared us of any suspicion. 

I look over to Morgana asleep as I sit up in my bed.

I had the same dream last night as every night since then.

Ryuji stands in front of me, a barrel pointed at his direction. A bullet leaves the resting place and rips through Ryuji's skull. Blood and brain splatter on my face.

I scream.

My own cries wake me up, just like every other night.

In the beginning, Morgana would scold me, telling me that if I didn't calm down they would scratch me up like they did to that asshole who shot Ryuji.

Eventually Morgana gave up, though, realizing their bluffs wouldn't get through to me. Now they just sleep through my cries.

That reminds me, I never did get the chance to thank them. If not for Morgana, my dreams would have been reality instead of a nightmare. The gun's aim never would have changed position. I don't know how they knew to come when that gunfire sounded, but I'm so glad they did.

Also, there's no laws for cats to break, so the guy who got his skin turned to minced meat had no way of getting Morgana arrested for assault. 

I pull out my phone, and am reminded by the calendar icon. Today is the day. Today is the day the hospital will finally let me visit him.

He is only allowed one visitor at a time, and I have decided to not risk sneaking Morgana in. After all, it has been quite some time since we've seen one another. I don't want to ruin it.

Especially after what he said to me last. 

That haunts me just as much as the image of a bullet cutting through his head.

I look at the time. 7:02 AM. The hospital doesn't allow visitors until 9:00. I need to kill time.

Maybe I should get ready?

I take a quick shower downstairs before any customers come. I rarely get the opportunity to shower in the bathroom in Leblanc. But Sojiro has since given me permission.

"No more going out at night!" He'd tell me. "Or any backstreets either!"

I resist the temptation to tell him that Leblanc IS located in a backstreet.

But anyways, that basically rules out any of the surrounding areas, including the bathhouse. I know the boss is only looking out for me, even if he insists he only cares about that paycheck.

Finished with my short shower, I quick go back into the attic, a towel carelessly tied around my waist. Water falls from my hair onto the wood flooring, darkening the hue. 

My mind imagines it as blood for a moment. 

But I remind myself that it is only water.

"I must warn you though. Have you not be careful, you're relationships may cause more ruin than it will good."

That's what Igor told me. I wish I had listened more carefully to what he had to say back then.

I clear my throat, and in the corner of my eye I see Morgana arch their back in a stretch.

"YAAAAWWN. Morning!" 

"Mhh."

"You gettin' dressed?"

"Yes. Don't know what to wear."

"Why? You trying to impress your boyfriend or something?"

I'm a little infuriated that Morgana has the nerve to joke about that right now. Of COURSE I'm nervous.

It didn't take long after I wasn't able to contact Ryuji for Morgana to blatantly comment on my 'obvious' crush, as they put it. Without being able to speak to him, Morgana must have felt no guilt in exploiting my weakness.

"Cat got your tongue?" They say when I don't respond. I consider button mashing their head in, but decide against it.

I end up, after half an hour of not knowing what to wear, putting on a maroon colored V-neck and black jeans. For the first time in my life, I think I feel self-conscious concerning my appearance. I stand in front of the mirror, picking apart every inch of myself.

My glasses are too big for my face...

I could really use a haircut...

Dark colors don't really suit me, do they...?

I decide I don't have time to dislike my appearance when I glance at my phone and realize it's nearing 8:30. If I leave now, it should be 9 by the time it takes to walk.

"I'll be leaving." I say as I walk down the stairs.

"Tell Ryuji I said hi!"

Leblanc's door rings as it shuts behind me. The warm summer breeze skims my skin, making the hair on my neck rise.

I'm nervous.

I walk there without thinking. If I think, I'll probably realize that I don't have the guts to actually do this. To talk to him again. To see how he has been recovering. 

I nearly walk in front of traffic on my way there because I'm so out of it. Must be this heat.

I wanted to pick him up a gift on the way there, but I really don't know what to get him. I check my phone. I still have some time left.

I run in to 777, because nearly everything else is closed at this hour on a Sunday. 

What am I supposed to give someone from a convenience store? 

He likes food...?

But that's no fun, it'll be gone in minutes.

I decide to just grab a few meat buns and a couple magazines. I hope he at least appreciates it.

When I arrive at the hospital, I realize that my anxiety has been swelling in my chest, almost to the point where I feel light headed. I shake it off, find the reception table, and figure out which room is Ryuji's.

I stand in the room's entrace, eyeing Ryuji as he has yet to know I'm here. The memory of the night before the incident hits me. The night we sat on the stairs to the batting cage. The night I watched him before he knew I was there. The night he was so utterly broken down emotionally. And I just ended up breaking him physically, too, by not being able to protect him. 

He sits up in his hospital bed, a glass of ice water in his right hand. I watch him bring it up to his mouth, and he drinks from a black straw that has been placed in it. The whole time his eyes don't move from a high-leveled television. From here I can't make out what he's watching, but whatever it is he sure is engrossed in it. 

I swallow my guilt and knock the side of the wall with my knuckle. Ryuji's head turns, and the moment he sees me his eyes go wide in shock.

"Y-you're-" his voice is raspy and quiet. He takes a sip of his beverage in order to bring his tone back. "Why are you-how're you-you're allowed in here today?!"

He seems pretty excited, suprisingly. I genuinely believed he would hold some sort of grudge against me. Or at least mock my outfit.

I nod in his direction as I enter. As I'm about to sit on the side of the bed, I remember the edge facing my way is the side where Ryuji got shot. More guilt enters my system.

From here, I can get a closer look at him.

His usually fair-toned skin is now covered in dark under-eye circles and red blotches due to keeping his hand or pillow situated on one place for too long. He's a blur of messy colors.

Not to mention, they must not let him dye his hair here, either. Because his roots have grown out and now he has frosted tips. I want to laugh at how silly it looks, but I can't bring myself to. Especially because he is in this state because of my carelessness. And I'm one to talk. I know I should really get a hair cut... 

"I'm...I'm sorry about..." I swallow. I'm never this nervous around anyone. "Here. I brought you something..."

I hand him the plastic convenience store bag. His eyes blink in confusion.

"Why'd you...?" I watch him peek inside, and that dreary looking face of his lights up just a little. "Ooh! Food! Real food, not hospital crap!"

"It's not that great..." I say as he rips apart the packaging without hesitation. He doesn't agree, though. Most likely because hospital food has been all he could have for months on end.

"It's still pretty warm, huh?" He makes a nice dent in one of them, opening his mouth to speak all the while rudely chewing his food. "It's delicious! You want some?" A second is taken from the bag, and he holds it out for me.

Originally, I had planned to eat one. But the look of joy it gave him makes me have to decline. I can't strip him of his happiness. Even if it is over something stupid like a meat bun.

I shake my head no.

He hesitates as first, but then realizes that there will be more for him to enjoy. It's quite cute, watching his fast-paced demeanor.

"There's more in there, too. Nothing big, just...some stuff."

"Hm? Uh-OH!" The plastic is ripped open for the last time, and two magazines are taken out. "Ooh cool! Finally somethin' to do. I mean, TV's a thing but...what I've learned is they do a LOT of reruns. I've seen the same stuff over and over."

"I'm sorry, I didn't really know what to get you. I hope those are fine?"

"Yeah! And look," he flips to a page toward the back. It displays a personality quiz. "Let's see what kinda student you are..."

I spend sometime answering questions with Ryuji.

"Ok. The results are in and...wait for it...dun dunna dun! You are a bookworm! W-wait. That can't be right? Maybe I messed something up?"

"Maybe those things are just not true."

He frowns, but knows I am right.

"Well uh.." The words cough out scratchily. "How is...your leg?"

"Hm? Oh! It's aight."

That's all he has to say? The kid gets shot, is unable to speak to anyone other than his mother outside of this hospital and he treats it like it's nothing?

I sure do underestimate him.

"Well does it hurt or not?!"

His eyes look up and his mouth scowls into a kink as if he had to think of whether or not he is in pain. I get lost in the deepness of his dark eyes for a moment before I register what he says.

"Well the doc said I prolly have some severe nerve damage...hurt like a bitch at first. But yeah, like, no major veins or arteries were hit but it'll still stay with me for the rest of my life I think. I feel pretty numb in that leg now..."

For the first time, I remember that was the one that Kamoshida assisted in breaking. Does that make me just as bad as him, because I let him go toward the sound of the gunshot?

"Can you walk?"

His eyes gape at me, then he turns away as if this where the question he was avoiding. "That...depends. I've been trying. They say the rehab shit is better the earlier it's dealt with. But at this rate...I feel like I'm making no progress."

I'm at a loss for words. He looks defeated, as if he and that leg of his weren't bad enough to deal with, now he has two memories associated with it. Neither of which are good.

My eyelids feel heavy, as if an anchor where pulling them down. It's painful to look at Ryuji, to look at that fake smile he always adorns. He's so kind but I just can never fend for him. 

Unable to take anymore for the time being, I start towards the door, but am stopped when I hear Ryuji protesting. 

"What are you doing?" Behind me I can hear a crack in his voice.

I small amount of fear wells up in me as I turn around. "I'm leaving now. I brought you your stuff already."

When I get a look at his face, tears are forming where there was, moments ago, absolutely nothing. Despite his sobbing, he still sports that misleading smile.

Like the time he was crying out for help in absolute fear, blood spilling out of his leg. He still kept smiling.

"Please, don't go yet. It's been so long since I've gotten the chance to see you." The growing puddles in his eyes start to fall. But the corners of his mouth keep rising.

When I say nothing, he responds with a high pitched squeal of discomfort in his throat. "I-I guess you're all right. All I am's stupid. I'm stupid! A good for nothing stupid idiot." His fist clenches in frustration. "I'm sorry I've ruined the Phantom Thieves name this whole time. Delinquents should just stay delinquents, I guess. I'm careless and this is all my fault."

I don't know what to say. My throat dries up and words won't form. Everything in my head is telling me to refute them, those false words. It's always so hard to help the kid when I never have anything good to say in turn.

"I don't think so." 

That's it? That's the best I can come up with?"

But regardless, his eyes go wide in shock as if he saw a ghost.

"Wh-For real? You're just saying that and you know it." He stops to take in a deep breathe. "But I uh, I'm glad that you're here. Everyone else is great and all but...you were the first to accept me."

I feel a lump in my throat. Maybe he is actually stupid after all. If he can't see that I'M the one at fault, then he can't be too sharp.

"You do know this never would have happened if I would have sent you home that night?"

He blinks away the last of his now drying tears. "But then I would have been alone."

"...Do you...remember that night well?" I can't help but think that it's all a blur to him. He should be more upset. About the other body at the scene. About practically confessing his love for me.

Does he even remember the early morning beforehand, or was he too caffiene-drunk? Is that even a thing?

"When I texted you to meet up? Yeah, of course. You really brought my mood up, man."

"After that?"

"I dunno, drank some coffee even though I shouldn't have, eh? Then we went to bed?"

"Do you remember anything else?"

"Hmm..." His brow furrows in thought. "I woke up and Morgana was angry with us for some reason! Then after sunrise we went out and I did something stupid and got shot. I just, don't remember after the bullet hit me...everything was a blur."

Of course he would forget the two details about us liking one another more than friends. Restlessness is the first culprit. The second, that little fit of madness after he was wounded. 

I don't know if I should be thankful or upset.

"Don't stress yourself." I reach out to pat him on the leg in encouragement, then remember. Guilty, I quickly reach for his shoulder instead. I end up hitting him harder than planned from my uneasiness. 

"Ow! He says in an overactive tone. "I know I won't, but I'm not so sure about you!"

We both share a laugh, and I feel my heart slip away in a sort of melancholy. Ryuji doesn't know that I like him. Ryuji doesn't know that I know that he likes me. It's too much to think about, above his possible permanent paralysis, and not having regular contact with him.

I feel like the worst person for him, yet he still labels me as 'best friend.'

Looking at the time, I realized it's been a little while. There was stuff I needed to get done. Jobs to work to help pay for Ryuji's treatment. It's the least I can do. 

"Well, I got to get going."

He frowns that cute little pout of his. "Can you at least gimme your cell so I can call you? I don't remember your number and they won't let patients have their cell phones. At least I can call you then?"

"Sure, yeah." I dig my phone out of my pocket. As I look for my own number, something hits me. Sooner or later, Ryuji will receive his phone back. When that happens, he will see the texts I sent him calling him cute. 

I tell Ryuji the digits, and calmly make my way out of the hospital, while in my head my brain practically collapses from terror of that future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay he's ok!!!! 
> 
> And as always thanks for feedback that's so important in keeping me going!! (c:


	8. Chapter 8

"Pi pi pi pi"

My phone rings in my pocket. Luckily, I'm on lunch break instead of actually in the middle of working.

It's a number I don't recognize. Could it be Ryuji? I doubt he'd call me back in such a short time frame from when I saw him this morning. Who could it be?

No matter, I press the 'answer' button and hold it up to my ear.

"Yo. Whatcha doin'?" The voice says on the other line. "I'm bored. Bring me more magazines or something. Or talk to me. I nearly forgot how nice it is to have friends. Heh, haven't felt that way since before you came to Shujin..."

Sure enough, it is Ryuji already.

Shoving a bite of sandwich into my mouth, I respond. "I'm buwsy."

"With what? What does someone like you have to do in summer?"

I swallow. "Someone like me has to help pay off the hospital bills that someone like you caused. I'm working part-time right now. Luckily you caught me on break."

"Oh...sorry about that. Uhh...I feel like I should make it up to you somehow? Can you come over as soon as your shift ends? I know that that's a hastle too, but..."

"Yeah."

"Wait-WHAT? You mean that?"

"Mhm."

"Sweet! See ya then! And don't overwork yourself. I feel bad that I can't do anything to help."

I hold it a little longer before hanging up, listening to Ryuji's steady breathe through the receiver. Finally, I muster up the strength to end the call.

My break comes to an end and I spend the next couple hours arranging flowers in customer's accordance.

Gathering my belongings and heading for the bullet train, I feel a tug on my sleeve.

"Excuse me." It's my supervisor. "Weren't you part of the incident that happened a few months back."

"No-not really. Just a friend of mine ended up in the hospital. Nothing happened to me though."

"That's what I thought." She pauses. "Here, the boss said to let you take one for free." I'm handed a small arrangement of flowers. I can feel my cheeks grow warm, as she probably thinks Ryuji to be a girl or a family member or something. I accept them, but know fully well that Ryuji'll just laugh at them.

I offer a soft 'thank you' and get on my way. The underground mall is neither packed nor empty, so it's easy to hear rumors float around.

"Ugh, I wish I had a boyfriend. Look at that cutie over there! I wonder who he's taking those to? Do ya think he broke his girlfriend's heart or something? Hahahaha!"

Sweat rolls down my face. Are they talking about me? If so, I feel even weirder about bringing this to Ryuji.

"These so called Phantom Theives haven't been doin' much lately. I knew we shouldn't have put our faith into them."

Maybe if people like you wouldn't shoot my best friend in the leg we wouldn't HAVE to be relied on by you!

"You have any plans for this afternoon? Maybe we could go to the movies?"

Sounds nice. Being able to relax with someone at a theater and talk about the film once it's over. I haven't been able to do that with Ryuji in quite a while...

God It feels like everyone is closing in on me today.

Holding the bouquet to my chest, I quickly make my way to the hospital to avoid onlookers. When I get to a more desolate area, I pay mind that I was also payed more today than usual, despite showing the same working performance as any other work day.

It makes me in a way mad, being babied like this for no apparent reason. Ryuji's the one who should be getting special treatment, not me.

As I stand before the hospital's revolving door, I feel anger and anxiety. I end up hiding the flowers behind my back in fear, just in case I never end up actually giving them to him. At this rate, that'll probably be the most likely outcome.

But it's pointless anyways, because Ryuji isn't as stupid as everyone says he is. He notices something is up right away and looks at me with a raised brow.

"Whatcha got there?"

"..."

"C'mom!" His arms outstretch and his hands make a grabbing gesture. "Lemme see!"

There's no way I can decline that motion and adorable grin.

"Don't laugh. If you laugh it's not for you."

He gives a nod. "Yeah!"

Hesitantly, I bring my arm from behind my back and slowly walk over to Ryuji, dropping the gift in his lap.

"They were given to me as a consolation present so if you think it's stupid don't blame-"

"They're pretty."

What? Ryuji called flowers pretty?

"What? You like them?"

He looks up at me like I've gone mad, all the while I look down on him with the same exact expression on my own face.

"Of course. You don't understand how boooring it is to look at these gross walls. I swear I see a new stain pop up every night. Can't for the life of me find out how they got there over night...nice to see something new."

"Gross."

"Tell me about it.

"Isn't there a uhm, courtyard here?"

I watch his pondering face. "Y-yeah. Now that I think about it." His hands form fists out of excitement. "You wanna see if they can take me down?! You can come with me!"

I feel my chest lighten up slightly from the heavy weight anxiety has been pulling it down all day. "Sure. Let me grab a nurse."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone still reads this: I 'm the worst at updating forgive me...

A doctor fumbles in the room with a wheelchair, unfolding it as she walks.

A great amount of pain swells up inside me. This shouldn't be this way. He shouldn't have to sit through this. He shouldn't have to have the high possibility of these conditions damaging the rest of his life.

She helps bring him out to the courtyard, all the while pleasantly teasing Ryuji in a caring way. She seems like one pf those nurses who are genuine about their job, and do it for the passion rather than the money. I am thankful.

"If either of you need anything, just call for me!" She says as she heads back inside to most likely attend to another patient. I nod her way in agreement.

"Bein' out here makes me want to run, ya know?"

My head whips towards his direction. Why would he say that? To make me feel guilty? To remind me that he can hardly even stand, let alone run?

'Oh.' I remind myself. 'This is Ryuji we're talking about. He would never try and hurt me.' 

I'm ashamed in myself for thinking that he would say that simply to get under my skin.

"I know how to make you feel like you're running." I tell him, knowing he was probably just speaking his mind.

"For real?!"

I then push his wheelchair to a stone paved walkway. I pull him back for momentum, but by the time he figures out what I am about to do in protest, I push him as fast I can down the path.

"S-stop!" He shouts through clear laughter. "You're gonna get hurt, too!"

I brake abruptly. Partly due to the path's end, but also because of what he just said. 

He is the one with a pained leg. I should be the one worried about him, not the other way around.

I take a seat on a cracked bench, glaring at Ryuji in disbelief. "You're one to talk."

"Look I'm...I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I promise I won't go runnin' into trouble ever again." He stops for a moment. "Or maybe I just won't ever be ABLE to RUN into trouble again..."

I shake my head. "Don't say that. I'm positive you'll be walking again in no time. I believe in you."

His eyes widen as they light up. The kid really loves praise. Probably because he's so used to receiving the opposite. "H-hey...uhm." Flustered, he lifts up his hand to point at a nearby flower bed. "All I had to do was ask to be taken outside to see flowers 'n' shit." He frowns, cocking his head.

"Don't like my gift?"

Eyes wide, he furiously crosses his arms in a motion that would scream 'no.' "Of course I do! L-like it...I mean. Thank you..." He clears his throat, looking up to the sky. "But mostly I'm just glad you're here."

My heart jumps a little. The worst thing about this is the fact that I know he likes me as more than a friend. I just...can't find a good window to make any sort of move though.

Not to mention, he may never be able to walk again because of me. I have no right in loving him.

"Can I ask you something?" He brings me back to reality.

"Go ahead."

With the blue of the sky reflecting in his coffee-stained irises, the pillowing clouds casting shadows in the sunken places where he lost weight from lack of proper nutrition lately, he throws me off guard.

"Please...don't tell the others I can have visitors. I think you're the only one I want to really see right now."

"Morgana already knows." The words spit out of my mouth just in case my emotions would get the better of me. It's a poor excuse of a thing to say, but it's also the truth.

"Morgana'sa cat. Couldn't come here anyway. They'd prolly just call me stupid anyways..."

"They're worried about you, you know. I can tell they try to act like they don't care, but they miss you."

I know my words don't get through to him judging by his tapping on the wheelchair's armrest. 

I start to wonder how many times people have told him they cared about him only to leave him in the dark.

"You don't have to be here for me. I realize I'm just holding you all up again. I should've been killed that night..."

Ryuji has always been one to feel the need to establish his self-worth. The only problem is he always sets the bar far lower than it actually hangs. But no matter how many times he remarks on how much he hates himself, I can't let him get away with it.

"Why would you want to hurt your best friend?"

"H-huh? W-w-well...You know...you don't need me...you wouldn't be hurt."

"You're pretty ignorant. If not for you I would still be all alone at Shujin."

He tries looking me in the eyes, but something keeps him away from maintaining contact. "....so."

"So? You're really important to me. Do you have any idea how much I cried when you were shot? How often I think about what could've happened had Morgana not stepped in? And you say Morgana doesn't care either...If they didn't care, they wouldn't have SAVED you."

This shuts him up, his previously glassy eyes turning to solid stone. A frown of disbelief taints the prior listless grin on his face. 

"You just don't understand." He says. Shortly after, smiling again. "But that's alright. I wouldn't want you to." 

It may just be the summer heat has only came to my attention now, but I realize my face is hotter than hell. 

What don't I "understand"?

 

"Ryuji...I..." He looks up at me with innocent eyes, his mouth slightly parted in confusion. I fear that if I am careless with what I say, he may look at me differently, "I- you're right. I don't understand. I never will. You will. But I won't. Hell, even Ann will, with Shiho and everything. But I can't. I can try? But ultimately I cannot be of help. So, next time you call asking for me. I'll be there, yeah. But I won't be worth your time. "

He lets out a little giggle. 

A giggle.

After I just confessed how useless I am in the situation. All he offers is a giggle. 

"What's so funny?" I yell in as hushed a tone as possible. My shout still brings attention and heads turning to us, however. 

"You're worth all the time in the world. I'm just the useless one." With a yawn and a stretch, he finishes up his thoughts. "Speaking of time, it's getting pretty late. I don't want you ending up in the hospital too okay? Get home before it's too dark."

"I'm already at the hospital." I tell him, ruffling his hair as I go to push him back to his room. It's probably unwashed, but still manages a soft fluffiness to it.

Maybe I should just play with his feelings for awhile. Tease him. Because I doubt either of us are just going to upright and confess. I think I'll just wait until he gets his phone back.

"Shaddup." He tells me. but as I push him onto an elevator, I can hear a smile in his voice.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops guess I am writing again -shrug emote- but no foreal like I actually enjoyed pickingthis back up?? As opposed to forcing myself to write!!!

Another slow summer morning. Another trip to the Hospital. Another elevator ride up to Ryuji's room. Today is no different than the days in the past week or so.

That is until when I enter, I find Ryuji fast asleep. A small puddle of drool soaks into his pillow.

I can't help but laugh under my breathe. He's never been asleep upon my arrival. 

I guess I'll just need to kill time until he wakes up. After all, I wouldn't dare get him up myself, knowing how hard he's probably beating himself up everyday. He deserves rest.

I decide to spend a few minutes in the unfamiliar building. I've never had the need to go here, so of course I wouldn't know the layout. (Except where Ryuji's room is, obviously.)

After a visit to a few places such as a small library and the cafeteria, I take a look at the gift shop.

Most of the stuff there is either targeted towards little kids, or older people. I really don't know if I'll be able to find him anything that would suit his tastes. 

Walking through the organized rows of shelves, I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey."

I turn around. Ann stands there. Now that I think about it, this is the first I've seen her in quite some time. Her hair is down, and sticking up here and there at that. I guess she is either not a morning person, or just doesn't care to look societies standard of beauty in such a dreary place.

In her hand she holds a card with an idol on the front saying something about how important friendship is. When you open it, I would guess it would sing a song.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, her eyes blinking inquisitively. "Is Ryuji allowed visitors now?"

"Something like that..." I pause, remembering how he had told me he didn't want to see anyone else. Morgana was easy to keep out of Ryuji's room, being a cat and all.

But Ann? How can I politely tell her that Ryuji doesn't want to see her?

I guess I could just speak the truth?

"It's just that he doesn't want to see you or Morgana. He feels guilty. Could you respect that wish of his?"

The look on her face tells me she is surprised, but she is still understanding. "Yeah...I get it. Shiho was that way at first too...I really shouldn't get in his way if it slows his recovery. It's too bad though. He's a part of our team, after all.

I nod. "Could you help me?"

"With?"

"I don't know what to get Ryuji."

She takes a breath for a moment, considering things he may like. After all, she has known him longer than I have.

"I don't think something physical is the type of gift for Ryuji, honestly. He doesn't seem...material. I think he just wants someone to spend time with. A friend."

"I've been visiting him at least every other day." I let out in a sigh. I can only comfort him so much.

"That's what I mean. Do something more than visit or buying him a present. Visit him on a level that would change his life. For the better, that is."

A moment of silence is shared between us. The words may have sounded a little ridiculous, but they still managed to make sense.

"Thanks." I offer her. "I have to go now"

"Yup! Good luck with finding whatever you'll get him."

I walk a steady pace down the hospital's interior. 

Something that would change his life.

A damn well made cup of coffee? I could ask Sojiro to make it for me and just tell Ryuji I made it...

No, that's just being cheap. Besides, Ryuji hardly likes coffee. I can remember that night how he forced it down his throat even though he hated it.

Take him to an exotic oden cart?

No, he'd probably end up doing that anyways, regardless.

Maybe I don't deserve to call him my best friend? If I did, I would know what to do for him...

That is until I reach the entrance to his room that I realize what it is I have to do.

I have to fix that leg of his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thx so much to anyone who has commented/given kudos like damb....even after my poor ability to update


	11. Chapter 11

"You're pathetic!"

I hear a high pitched voice spit at me from the other side of iron bars.

This place again.

Last night, I must have laid in bed for hours thinking about what Ann said.

I came up with no way to actually figure out HOW I was going to fix his leg, though.

But for now I guess I have to do what I'm told here.

The man in the suit stares at me, a subtle twitch in his right eye.

"Welcome back." He tells me in that deep voice of his. "It would seem you have only gotten yourself into more trouble."

I don't agree, but I don't argue with him either. He's not WRONG. So all I can offer him is silence.

"There is a way you know? To make absolute sure your partner's leg is healed."

Can he read my mind?   
I want to say something snarky, insist that I already knew, because I in no way would take no for an answer. To accept Ryuji's leg as unusable. But I can't. Even I know that's hard to judge right now. 

"Look far, and you will indeed find what you need. That is all I need from you today."

I feel a hitch in my breath as my eyes open to dusk dancing in the morning's rays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good old Velvet Room chapters...nice and short to write
> 
> (sorry)


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